Femicide is a deeply urgent issue in my country right now. I think a year ago, I attended an eye-opening exhibition about femicide, where I encountered warnings and patterns that I had never truly understood before. These red flags, behaviors that can signal a trajectory toward fatal violence, stuck with me. I believe it’s crucial to share what I learned, so perhaps someone else might recognize danger early and seek help. Below are phases or escalation stages, each explained, followed by the red flags. Awareness does not equal blame—it can mean safety.
What Is Femicide?
Femicide is the intentional killing of women or girls because of their gender. It often happens in the context of intimate partner violence, though it can also occur in family or cultural settings. At its core, femicide is about control, power, and systemic inequality, where gender-based violence escalates to the ultimate act of violence. Recognizing patterns early can save lives.
Phases of Escalation in Abusive Relationships
- Initial Control and Isolation: The abuser may accelerate relationship timelines (moving in, marrying), isolate the partner from friends and family, and use manipulative tactics like shared accounts and false narratives to cut off support.
- Coercive Control and Psychological Manipulation: Gaslighting, relentless criticism, financial control, and threats involving children or pets often mark this stage.
- Escalation to Physical and Sexual Violence: This phase includes physical harm, forced sex, or withholding critical medical care—signs of dangerous escalation.
- Final Stages: Lethality and Femicide: When the abuser feels abandoned or out of control, violence can escalate rapidly. This often involves weapons, severe physical harm, or even killing. Separation is often the highest-risk time for a victim.
Red Flags to Recognize
- Stalking and Obsessive Monitoring: An abuser constantly tracks the victim’s movements, checks their phone, shares social media accounts, or installs surveillance devices at home (stichtingopenmind.nl). This control tactic isolates the victim and erodes their autonomy.
- Threats of Death or Suicide: Threatening harm to the victim, children, pets—or to themselves—if the victim tries to leave is a major escalation and a terrifying warning sign.
- Strangulation or Attempted Suffocation: One of the most alarming predictors of future homicide. Strangulation often leaves no visible marks but significantly increases the likelihood of femicide.
- Use or Presence of Weapons: Even the threat of using a weapon raises the risk dramatically. Access to firearms increases the likelihood of lethal outcomes more than fivefold.
- Recent Violent Behavior: Escalating physical or emotional abuse within the relationship—especially if it’s becoming more frequent or severe—is a red flag.
- Violence During Pregnancy: Abuse targeting a pregnant partner is especially dangerous and signals deepening control and disregard for life.
- Sexual Coercion or Forced Sex: Coerced or non-consensual sex—such as refusing to wear protection or insisting on unwanted acts—is another form of control with grave implications.
- Withholding Care That Threatens Health: Denying access to medical treatment, necessary care, or medications puts victims at serious risk, both physically and psychologically.
- Extreme Fear or Visible Terror in the Victim: When a person is fearful of saying anything around their partner or appears constantly anxious—that fear can be a crucial sign of danger.
- Escalating Severity or Frequency of Abuse: Abuse that intensifies over time—physically, emotionally, or financially—indicates a dangerous and volatile relationship pattern.
Final Thoughts
Recognizing these signs doesn’t mean assuming every situation will escalate to violence—but it does mean taking concerns seriously. If any of these red flags feel familiar—whether to you or someone you love—please seek help.
For readers in the Netherlands, you can find confidential help here: findahelpline.com.
You are not alone. Awareness and action save lives.