We, as people, care a lot about what others think and how they behave. When we love someone who’s struggling, we want to help them — sometimes even fix them. When we’re around other people, we want to be liked, accepted, and understood. We care about what they say, how they react, and whether we did something wrong.
As we get older, friendships change. Sometimes we lose people we thought would be in our lives forever, simply because we’ve grown in different directions. And yet, we still try to fix it — to hold on, to make it work, to understand what went wrong.
But if I’m honest, it’s exhausting trying to control everything and everyone around me. Constantly worrying about other people’s behavior or opinions can leave you drained and anxious. It’s something I’ve struggled with for years — and I know I’m not alone.
Then one day, I came across a concept by Mel Robbins called the “Let Them Theory.” It completely changed the way I look at people, relationships, and even myself.
What is the Let Them Theory?
The “Let Them Theory” by Mel Robbins is all about letting people be who they are — without trying to control, fix, or change them. If someone wants to walk away, or act differently than you hoped, let them.
It’s not about giving up; it’s about protecting your peace. I’ve learned a lot from this mindset, and I want to share a few examples that really changed how I see things.
We Can’t Control What Other People Say or Think
Everyone is different, and everyone has their own opinions and that’s totally fine. Let them have those opinions.
If you know someone who is toxic and their words affect your mood, don’t try to change them. From experience, it’s impossible to change someone, especially when they have a very negative mindset. But that doesn’t mean you have to spend more time with them. You also have the option to walk away or set boundaries to protect your own peace.
We Can’t Control What Other People Do
Sometimes, people talk behind your back, and when you find out, it hurts. But just let them talk.
I’m not saying you have to accept everything. As Mel Robbins explains in her book, the “Let Them Theory” isn’t the whole thing, it’s more like Let Them and Let Me. If someone talks behind your back, fine, let them. But let yourself walk away from that situation.
Friendships sometimes end, and that happens to everyone. Let them go. Yes, maybe they were important to you, but some things just happen. And the good news is, you can always find new friends who align better with your life and values.
We Can’t Fix Other People
Sometimes the people we care about are struggling, maybe with their health, mental health, or even an addiction. As hard as it is to watch, you have to let them struggle.
When people aren’t asking for help, forcing them can make things worse. A person can only change when they want to. The best you can do is be there for them, listen, and model healthy behavior yourself. For example, it can feel strange telling someone to eat healthier if you’re constantly eating junk food yourself. Your example will speak louder than your advice.
Letting them struggle doesn’t mean you stop caring. It means you respect their autonomy and wait until they’re ready to accept help.