Hey there! Have you ever found yourself saying “yes” to things you don’t want to do, just to keep others happy? If so, you’re not alone. People pleasing is a habit many of us fall into, but it’s time to break free and start prioritizing ourselves. Let’s dive into why you should stop being a people pleaser and how you can do it.
Why People Pleasing Isn’t as Nice as It Seems
1. It Drains Your Energy
Constantly trying to make everyone happy can leave you feeling exhausted. When you’re always putting others’ needs before your own, you end up with little energy left for yourself. Especially, when you are doing things you don’t even like. There is nothing wrong with helping other people, but it should be your own decision to help them.
2. It Creates Resentment
Over time, saying yes to things you don’t want to do can lead to resentment. You might start feeling bitter towards the people you’re trying to please, which can strain relationships.
3. It Undermines Your Authenticity
When you’re focused on pleasing others, you often ignore your own desires and values. This can make you feel disconnected from who you really are and what you truly want. You are not living your own life, because others make those decisions for you. And is that really what you want?
4. It Hinders Personal Growth
By always agreeing with others, you miss out on opportunities to assert yourself and grow. Standing up for your own needs and desires is a crucial part of personal development. Instead of agreeing with others, you start thinking for yourself. This way you discover things you will like or not.
5. It Can Lead to Burnout
People pleasing is a fast track to burnout. Constantly overcommitting and neglecting your own needs can leave you feeling overwhelmed and mentally drained. If you constantly say yes to everything, you might not even have enough time to do everything. Your to-do list would be endless and you wouldn’t even have time for yourself.
Now that we know why people pleasing isn’t doing us any favors, let’s look at some practical steps to stop the habit and start living for ourselves.
How to Stop People Pleasing
1. Recognize the Behavior
The first step to changing any habit is recognizing it. Pay attention to situations where you feel pressured to please others and acknowledge your feelings. Becoming more mindful can help with this, meditations are great as well. At first, you might recognize your behavior a little late, but eventually you will recognize it instantly and you will be able to stop it and do/say something else.
2. Set Clear Boundaries
Start setting boundaries with those around you. Be clear about what you are and aren’t willing to do. Remember, it’s okay to say no! If you say yes to everything, you will never have time for yourself and you are constantly living for others. It is time to become the main character of your own life.
3. Practice Self-Care
Make self-care a priority. Take time to do things that make you happy and recharge your energy. When you take care of yourself, you’re better equipped to help others in a healthy way.
4. Communicate Honestly
Learn to communicate your needs and feelings honestly. It might be uncomfortable at first, but it’s essential for building authentic relationships. Explain why you are setting boundaries. Most of the people will understand and if not, it is their problem and not yours.
5. Challenge Your Beliefs
People pleasers often believe they need to keep everyone happy to be liked or accepted. Challenge these beliefs and remind yourself that your worth isn’t tied to others’ approval. One thing I have learned in the past few years is that your thoughts aren’t necessarily true.
6. Start Small
Begin by setting small boundaries and gradually work your way up to bigger ones. This will help you build confidence and make the process less overwhelming. Or if you are feeling brave, you can just stop pleasing others overnight and decide that you are going to live for yourself. It is really up to you. It can be scary to set boundaries, especially if you have been a people-pleaser all your life, so starting small might be the best idea.
7. Seek Support
Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about your people-pleasing tendencies. Having support can make it easier to change your habits and hold you accountable. Or if you want to, you can even seek professional help. Professional help can always be beneficial to anyone.
8. Reflect on Your Progress
Take time to reflect on your progress and celebrate your successes. Recognize the positive changes in your life as you start prioritizing yourself. Keeping a journal can help with this. And progress isn’t always linear. Life has its ups and downs.
9. Understand the Root Cause
Explore why you feel the need to please others. Understanding the root cause can help you address the underlying issues and make lasting changes. Maybe you are insecure and you’re afraid of what other people might think of you, maybe you are afraid that people won’t like you anymore if you say no.
10. Practice Saying No
Start practicing saying no in low-stakes situations. As you become more comfortable, it will be easier to say no when it really counts. I was one of those people who couldn’t say no to anyone, as a result, my schedule was so full and it is was impossible. It got me burned out and I wasn’t even doing things that I enjoyed doing.
11. Embrace Imperfection
Accept that you can’t please everyone, and that’s okay. Embrace your imperfections and focus on being true to yourself rather than perfect in others’ eyes. The only opinion that really matters is your own opinion about yourself. And remember: nobody is perfect. So just do what makes you happy and if you have to let down some people, and you will, so be it.
12. Be Patient with Yourself
Changing ingrained habits takes time. Maybe you have been a people-pleaser for a long time and it takes a while to unlearn your habits and become a new person with new habits. Be patient and kind to yourself as you navigate this journey. Progress, not perfection, is the goal.
Breaking free from people-pleasing is a journey worth taking. It’s about reclaiming your time, energy, and self-worth. By prioritizing yourself, you’ll build stronger, more authentic relationships and create a life that truly reflects who you are. So, take a deep breath, set those boundaries, and start living for you!
Photo by Nguyễn Hiệp on Unsplash