Do you ever catch yourself overthinking, micromanaging, or trying to plan every detail of your life or even other people’s lives? You’re not alone. Many of us crave control because it gives us a sense of safety and certainty. But here’s the truth: no matter how hard you try, you simply can’t control everything. And the more you try, the more stressed and exhausted you become. Learning to let go isn’t about giving up. it’s about finding peace, balance, and freedom.
Characteristics of a Controlling Person
A controlling person doesn’t always look “bossy.” Sometimes, control shows up in subtle ways. Here are some common signs:
- Constantly worrying about outcomes and “what ifs”
- Struggling to delegate tasks or trust others
- Becoming easily frustrated when things don’t go as planned
- Micromanaging people or situations
- Needing everything to be “just right” (perfectionism)
- Feeling anxious when there’s uncertainty
- Having difficulty relaxing or going with the flow
Recognizing these traits in yourself is the first step toward creating change.
Why You Can’t Control Everything
Trying to control life is like trying to hold water in your hands—the tighter you grip, the faster it slips away. Here’s why:
- Life is unpredictable – Unexpected things happen, and that’s part of being human.
- Other people have free will – You can’t control what others think, feel, or do.
- Perfection doesn’t exist – Striving for it only sets you up for stress and disappointment.
- Control creates tension – The more you resist uncertainty, the more anxious you feel.
Accepting these truths allows you to focus on what you can control: your actions, your mindset, and how you respond.
How to Stop Trying to Control Everything
1. Practice Awareness: Notice when you’re slipping into controlling behaviors. Pause, take a breath, and ask yourself: Is this something I can actually control?
2. Focus on What You Can Control: You can’t control traffic, but you can leave earlier. You can’t control someone’s reaction, but you can control how you communicate. Shift your energy to the things within your influence. It is pretty simple actually. You can control what you say, think, or do. Just focus on those things.
3. Let Go of Perfectionism: I was a perfectionist but I am trying to let it go, because I have realized one big thing: there is always something to improve. It will never be good enough. Done is better than perfect. Allow space for mistakes and imperfections, they’re often where growth happens.
4. Learn to Trust Others: Delegate tasks, let people help you, and believe they can handle things in their own way (even if it’s different from yours). A lot of people think asking for help is a weakness, but it is not. Everyone needs some help every now and then and that is absolutely fine.
5. Embrace Uncertainty: Try to see uncertainty as possibility instead of threat. Remind yourself that many good things in life come from the unexpected. It is also kind of fun knowing that anything could happen. Maybe you will meet someone great, or find a new opportunity.
6. Practice Relaxation Techniques: Meditation, journaling, deep breathing, or simply taking a walk can calm your nervous system and reduce the urge to control. Change doesn’t always happen overnight, take your time. Don’t push yourself.
7. Adopt a “Go With the Flow” Mindset: Say “yes” more often, try new things without overplanning, and allow life to surprise you. Flexibility brings freedom.
💬 Final Thoughts
Letting go of control doesn’t mean chaos—it means freedom. When you stop trying to manage every outcome, you create space for joy, spontaneity, and peace. You’ll realize life doesn’t need to be perfect or predictable to be beautiful.
So next time you feel the urge to control everything, take a deep breath and remind yourself: I can’t control everything, but I can control how I live through it.